They say you can’t own the moon.They also said reusable rockets were impossible.They were wrong twice.

Phase 1 – The IdeaIt started at 3 a.m. after my third cup of jasmine-flavored Red Bull.I looked up, saw the moon, and thought, “Mine now.”That’s the entire business plan.

By 4 a.m. I had registered Lunar LLC, applied for a trademark on “The Moon™,” and added a “Buy Now” button to my bio.First pre-order came from a bot selling NFTs of clouds.Momentum.

Phase 2 – Due DiligenceMy legal team (a group chat named “Space Law & Order”) told me international treaties prohibit celestial ownership.I told them treaties are just EULAs for planets.They quit before breakfast.I hired new lawyers; they quit after lunch.Progress.

Phase 3 – FinancingI sold 0.000001 percent of Moon equity for $69 million.Valuation: $6.9 trillion.Investors asked what our revenue model was.I said, “Tides.”They nodded thoughtfully and wired the money.

Phase 4 – Public ReactionThe internet exploded:– Flat-Earthers demanded a “Flat Moon Roundtable.”– Astrologers sued, claiming I’d changed everyone’s rising sign.– NASA subtweeted, “bro.”

Engagement skyrocketed.Success smells like server smoke.

Phase 5 – MonetizationI launched Moon Plus, a subscription that removes ads from lunar phases.Basic users see sponsored craters (“This Eclipse Brought to You by NeuralSocks”).Premium tier lets you rename the Sea of Tranquility to “Sea of You Upgrading to Pro.”

Merch sold out instantly — mostly black hoodies that say “To The Moon (Literally)”.

Phase 6 – Unexpected ProblemsApparently, controlling the tides affects everything.Coastal cities called.Surfers threatened to unionize.My data center in Shanghai went offline for six minutes — proof, I think, that gravity is decentralized.

Also, the moon blocked its own sunlight for tax reasons.

Phase 7 – Exit StrategyIn a gesture of corporate responsibility, I gifted 10 percent of The Moon™ to the public.The public immediately launched a DAO and tried to sell it back to me.We call that “a healthy market.”

Reflections from OrbitPeople ask if I regret it.Regret is for those who invest in stable assets like emotions.I prefer volatility — of stocks, ideas, and occasionally oceans.

The real lesson?Dream bigger.If someone says, “You can’t own the moon,”ask if they’ll take Dogecoin.